Wednesday, December 2, 2009
"it's only been a couple months"
So much has changed in my life it's crazy, but I feel like as a person I've stayed the same....people close to me are all getting engaged/married and having babies and a part of me is screaming "I'M NOT READY TO GET OLD AND STOP LIVING"...not that I think that getting old = babies or is entirely BAD....but I really love my touring life, and my band life and drinking and hanging out and to a certain extent just my independence....I feel like I'm at a point in my life where career-wise I'm on fire and it's just getting better and better everyday, I've got a great new (which might actually be old!) outlook on the band and I feel full of energy, in control, etc.....but all around me there it is...the fucking babies, the "say yes to the dress" episodes, all the people close to me getting engaged....it's scary...Like tonight, suz and I went to Target to get me a Xmas tree and we run into Tatum, who is just gorgeous, but she's also suzi's age and has like a 4 year old....holy shit! like, when do you live? how do you pay for that? i would hate to have a child and not be able to buy him/her/it everything it needs and wants (to a certain extent)....I don't know...lots of crazy stuff to think about lately and I'm not really sure where I fit in...I'm a girl...i wanna get married, it's in my blood....but so is rock and roll.....soooooooo I guess it doesn't matter cause it's not my decision anyway! Boy does that take a lot of the pressure off!!! Yay for tradition!
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I totally understand how you feel. I just got married a couple months ago, but that part of it was cool. I mean I've been through my share of total assholes as I know you have too and once you finally meet the one, you know and this thing kicks in and there is this bond for life.
ReplyDeleteBut the kid thing... that's a whole other story. Of course now that I'm married every one is like so when are the babies coming and I'm like, yeah, sorry career comes first. I have no problem with babies, but it's crazy to see all my friends starting to have them. At the same time, I'll get my baby fix by playing with those kids. (tho I have one friend who had a kid super young so she's like 12 now, and she is my favorite kid. babies are cute, but this kid is like becoming a real person who I get.) Because I need to be where I want to be in my writing career before I decide to have kids. Like you, I'd want to be living comfortably enough to give the kid whatever they need/want within reason. And since I can barely afford to pay my bills at this point...
I dunno, the way I look at it, you just get this one life and you gotta do what you were born to do. You were born to rock. I was born to write. And that should be priority one.
I follow you on twitter, I am face book friends with you, but reading this allows me to see you. I can't count how many times I have felt this exact same way that you are expressing in this blog. I am a few years older then you but my little sister (who is also my best friend) is married with a baby. Pretty much all my close friends are married or parents. I feel isolated sometimes, other times I feel liberated. I am still living a very "me" life. I am engaged after almost 14 years with the same guy. I love your band, and I really love reading this blog. You are absolutely beautiful and extremely talented!
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